Miscommunications and mistakes
Recently I had a rather embarrassing miscommunication with a potential client. I had a call scheduled, and I was on my computer looking for my usual “new client intake script”, as I was calling it prompted me to leave my name and then the person recieving the call could decide if they would take the call. I had never encountered it before, so I gave my name and waited for it to go to voicemail. Meanwhile, fiddling with documents on my computer that kept closing, I apparently said “Are you kidding me.” How do I know? After I left the voicemail, I texted the client to ask when another time to do another intake call would be. This person texted back, and said that my voicemail was “highlyl offensive”, and she did not want to pursue services. Fair enough. I did apolgoize, explained the situaiton, and took responsibility for my error. None the less, this person did not respond. Ouch. I found myself awash with shame, negative self talk and a desperate attempt to be understood. Unfortunately thats out of my control, I have no relationship with this person, and it was rightfully their choice to ignore my apologies.
A few things this reminded me of…
-I cannot control other people’s perception of me
-I can be professional, and I did provide other names for referrals despite the inital sting of shame
-I am human, I do make mistakes, I do miscommunicate
-Everyone has a filter through which they view the world and others, myself included
There’s a quiet pressure that comes with being a therapistone that isn’t always talked about openly. It shows up in small moments. The pause before responding, making sure your tone is just right. The second-guessing after a conversation.The feeling that you should always be more patient, more attuned, more regulated, a little more perfect than everyone else.
The truth is: therapists are still human. We get distracted. We have off days. We say things imperfectly. We get misunderstood. And sometimes, even with the best intentions, something lands wrong. Those moments can feel especially uncomfortable not just because something went sideways, but because of what it means about us in our role. Ironically, what builds trust in relationships, including therapeutic ones isn’t perfection. It’s repair.
So how did I get out of shame quickly? Well, I’ll be honest, I swam in it for a few hours, and found myself distracted in session with my other clients. When I got home, I did make sure to be present with my kids. I journaled and asked myself what I would tell my clients to do. I would remind my clients, they are more than their mistakes, its ok to mess up. I reminded myself, I did make a mistake, I am a human, and I did what I could to make amends. I did attempt repair. I reminded myself how many clients I have helped thus far, and how many long term clients I have had, who continue to show up and trust me with their hardest and darkest moments. This phonecall was one in a few hundred I’ve had over the time I’ve opened my practice, and that the person on the other end will forget about it and find another therapist.
If you’ve ever made a mistake, had something taken out of context, or been misunderstood you’re not alone. Its part of being human.
